Tuesday, March 31, 2009

SHAMWHAT THE FUCK BITCH?!!

Billy Mayes here! And I'm here to tell you that this product really works!!!

I'm here to tell you that I set that muthafucka up!!
seems like this chris brown shit is going global sonnn!!



"...Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex."

Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face (she is pictured here in mug shots snapped following busts in 2008 and 2005). After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse.

"Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons," police reported. In a brief telephone interview, Harris declined to answer TSG questions about her run-in with Shlomi, though she did say she is considering a lawsuit against the pitchman.

Asked if she worked as a hooker, Harris declined comment....Police records list Shlomi's occupation as "Marketing," but make no mention of his affiliation with the ShamWow or the Slap Chop, both of which sell for $19.95 (plus shipping and handling)."

now aint this some epic shit?! How you gonna ask a hooker if she a hooker?!
And how you gonna kiss one?!


thanks to Smoking Gun for this one!

Friday, March 27, 2009

BACK TO THA FUTURE!!

Remember that pizza hut palm size pizza you put in that pizza microwave
in Back II the Future, and BOOM fresh pie?! I swear to god that shit stuck with me
and changed my fucking life.

Now, shit is starting to come true. I can eat pizza every fucking day. True fucking story.



By Daniel Flynn

"ROME (Reuters) - A vending machine that bakes fresh pizza in minutes for a few euros has got Italian chefs in a whirl before it hits the streets in the coming weeks.

The bright-red "Let's Pizza" machine uses infra-red rays and technology developed at the University of Bologna to knead flour and water into dough, spread it with tomato sauce and a choice of topping, and cook it -- all in less than three minutes.

Its developer, Claudio Torghele, says the machine has proved popular in trials in two Italian regions, but gourmets say it is an affront to traditional methods of cooking the classic dish.

"This is not just a vending machine, it's a mini-pizzeria," said Torghele, 56. "It has windows where you can watch the pizza-making process. Kids, including my own, love it: when the machine is working, there's always a crowd."

The device was developed with help from Anglo-Dutch group Unilever, which tested it in Germany, Torghele said. He hopes to launch the machines across Europe and in the United States, with ingredients varying according to local tastes.

At present it offers four toppings -- cheese and tomato, bacon, ham and fresh vegetables -- at an average cost of 4 euros. Torghele thinks "Let's Pizza" will appeal to Europeans looking for cheap options as a recession hits their pockets. "If I want to eat a great pizza, I go to a pizzeria. But our product is satisfactory, low cost and available 24-hours a day," he said. "This is crisis proof ... McDonald's is increasing its sales. Low cost, fast food is in demand.""


FUCK - YES.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

CONTRA MAG PRESENTS...

Dearest Creepers & Beloved Creepettes,

You guys are probably thinking some
a-b-up-down-a-b-left-right type shit right?



Oh those were the rad days. I could never beat that game, and
I always got mad pissed when my friend would go too far up and fuck my
jumps up and make me die a shitty life. And then deal about the crying
when I accidentally take your shitty SPREAD gun. But damn those were the days...

Well, for those who keep up with us you may have peeped our past
Contra Mag interview, and for all of you who really know what the fuck is up,
other than allowing me to sexually harass you via Twitter, you will have
got a slight teaser of our latest shoot from ContraMag



Here's a teaser, this 4th edition of the raddest e-zine (so far)
and is dedicated to all the goons on the grind in good all NYC.
SPECIAL SHOUTS to Writer/Stylist/Super rad Creepette Felicia Mancini
& Grimey Greatness Shutter Master Luis Mora for Photography.








Want more? Peep www.thinkcontra.com/magazine NOW. DO IT DO IT DO IT!!

I'm always in a New York State of Mind.
See you back on the E train this weekend bitches.

Yours Truly,
B-Ronasaurus SexxXxx

DRINK BEER!



via Paulina the Killer Lady

RIHANNA'S SHATTOO SUCKS



That's right, I created a word. Shattoo. It means, you guessed it!

SHITTY TATTOO.

Ok it could be worse, but I don't think it's shitty as in like it's hideous,
i mean like wtf, and why the fuck?! Iunno, man Chris Brown - look what you did,
she feels like she needs a fuckin permanent gat by her side now, literally!!

GET IT?! BY HERE SIDE?! harhahrharrrRr...

But if we're talking hideous regretful shit.
And while im on the topic of shitty tattoos, it's been a while since
I've posted a tattoo don't, so here's the latest 2 contender's for today.



Ok now wht the shit is this body building sabretooth tiger looking vampire muthafucka
rying to be other than a body building sabretooth tiger looking vampire muthafucka?!
tranny + dinosaur + hulk = Trulksaurus Wreck.



And this guy is the famous king of irony, like he's spider man under his skin,
like superman but not, like he's hiding his true spidy spirit. Ok Ok Ok
maybe he has a deep connection with spiderman. Or maybe, he just wants to regret the
last 40 years of his life. I'd love to bring him to our Halloween party tho. but umm the ink is pretty well done other than that. lol. fa show!!

just sayin.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

HARD LIVING!

how to spot a dick from 500 ft above the ground...



"An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he'll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling."

BBC News via Andrew da Bishop

Monday, March 23, 2009

EPIC FAIL.



the only way to redeem yourself is to release the sextape. Just sayin.

NETSCAPE STILL EXISTS?!!!

Netscape Billionaire to Wed Supermodel This Weekend



"Giving geeks everywhere hope, Jim Clark, cofounder of Silicon Graphics and Netscape, is marrying swimsuit model Kristy Hinze this weekend on Richard Branson's Necker Island — also the site of Google founder Larry Page's nuptials."

haha fuck that, I hope when I'm old & super creepy, i know the bitches will still love me for
my impeccable style and cunning sense of humour, and not care that im ugly & filthy rich.

why the fuck am i blogging this. Cuz it's Monday, & I'm hating life.

MONDAY!!

have a hard working week!



wait, you say tasteless - i say tasty!!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

SLEEPY SUNDAYS...



Hi Boys and girls,

I know you guys are mad psyched about the summer line coming out,
but i'll tease you with the previews as we come closer to the drop in May.
Us creepers would personally thank you all for all your epic radness & support.



We will tell you in advance that the snapback caps are limited, and most
are already booked, so you must jump on them fast! Ok.

Other than that, be on the lookout for a revamped site, revamped blog,
new shit obviously, the supenseful summer 09 lookbook (we got some hot ladies
to drool at) and umm just the usual fucking awesome shit you expect from us.

SPRING IS HERE!! GET NAKED!! We are gonna start expecting nudes and sexy Creepette pics. You already know where to send them: me.



HAPPY SUNDAY FUCKERS.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

COLESLAW WRESTLING...

is weird...




but fucking awesome. (again, in Florida).

DUMBEST SHIT IVE SEEN ALL DAY



question is, would she date you?

no. (i tried it).

because no one else wants to date her in real life and she'd rather date your ass?!
wait, youre rich and socially arwkward. nevermind. 2 words for hot girls who date online : psycho bitches.

...but damn is shawties on that site hot. oh what the heck, maybe this is the best thing i've seen all day!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I LOVE FAST FOOD.

Next tattoo: Flying Hamburger - "The Fast Life" don't bite! (literally)



I remember when I was in art school and had to use found objects to make art. I forgot what I did, but I'm pretty sure I went to get some Burger King instead. I fucking love fast food.

via Danio-san

YOUR MOM NEEDS A SPRING BREAK TOO...



via Hightower the Hitman

wow.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

FUCKING CLASSIC.

(not to be confused with classic fucking).

Okay:

Me: Fucking Taxes!

E5Charlie: bills and credit cars debt; you know you've made it 'caus you're living the real American dream.

Me: i thought the american dream was to eat hamburgers and smoke cigs all day. damn.

...

E5Charlie:: that's amazing. i also managed to find proof to back you up about the "Dream" involving burgers...


Monday, March 16, 2009

LAUGHIN WITHOUT SMILING~

So my homegirl Jillian asks this question, is it possible to laugh without smiling?

I said fuck yes and here's the proof.




hahahha. Happy Monday bitches.

FOR MY BOSTON BITCHES:
Karmaloop Party @ Estate tomorrow in the Bean.
Open bar for V.I.P. Get Jealous.



---------------
FOR MY NEW YORK BITCHES:
M.O.B. x Ed Banger in SOHO
Do it.



---------------

Oh yea, and Happy St. Patty's muthafuckin day tomorrow.


I hated that muthafucka.

deuce.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

gangs, rap music, & ROBOTS!

WTF IS THIS SHIT...

...so I've been hearing all this shit about this shit.



crazy albino muthafuckas. driving muthafuckin americans crazy since day 1.
wait till they kill the poor dude by putting it in a aquarium somewhere.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Thursday, March 12, 2009

DON'T YOU HATE WHEN HOT GIRLS GET PWNED?!

NAH I LOVE IT!! Plus the bonus crotch shot! Creep Street Special!!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Monday, March 09, 2009

educate yo self

back when I was like 10 or 11 I was really into both ancient egyptian culture & ufos. I remember going to the library during the summer one year getting anything I could get my hands on involving either subject. One day my dad found this out, He gave me this book he had read back when he was in his 20's

Yo this shit blew my mind. I remember doing a book report later that year on it because I was so compelled by what I had discovered.

They had made a movie based on the book too, but I just learned about this today.

I highly recommend not wasting your life being a fucktard & invest the next 2 hours of your life to getting fucking wise!




once you've watched that (& only after you've watched that) make sure to checkout Lizard Kings new mini part on The Berrics - FUCKING CReePY

Sunday, March 08, 2009

I CAN"T HATE...

on umm the portrayal of women in this scene...



but I can hate on you guidos that love that shit!!! hahaha.
this puts hip hop video chicks to shame.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

CREEP STREET WEEKEND!



Who's gonna be in nyc this weekend? Holla at me.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE!



Who the fuck needs a snuggy when you can have FUCKING HOT PANTS?!!

DID YOU KNOW...

A Superman can be found in every episode of Seinfeld?!

...news to me!

HE LIKES EM YOUNG!

via news.com.au

A NINE-year-old girl pregnant after years of alleged sexual abuse by her stepfather is likely to abort twins she is carrying in a case that has shocked Brazil, reports in Sao Paulo said. The Brazilian girl, who was not identified because she is a minor, was found to be four months pregnant after being taken to hospital suffering stomach pains, the news websites G1, pe360graus and the Diario de Pernambuco reported...

"We don't know if she will develop the pregnancy up to the end because of the structure of her body. It is a big risk for her,'' the doctor who confirmed her pregnancy before she was taken to the institute, Jose Severiano Cavalcanti, told the Diario de Pernambuco.

"She doesn't have a pelvis able to support a gestation of twins,'' he said.

Abortion is illegal in Brazil except in cases of rape or if the woman's health is in danger. The institute in Recife was unable to immediately confirm information about the case. He also allegedly abused the girl's physically handicapped 14-year-old sister. He was arrested on Thursday as he attempted to flee to another region in Brazil, and was being kept in protective custody.

Monday, March 02, 2009

A JOB THAT DOESN'T BLOW!

APPLY NOW MAY THE BEST SKATE NERD WIN!

The Berrics, Steve Berra and Eric Koston's website in Los Angeles, Calif., is looking for an In-house Graphic Designer/Production Artist with a solid work ethic and a strong interest in skateboarding. Your basic skill set should include: Photoshop, Illustrator, Flash, Actionscript, HTML and CSS. Knowledge of AfterEffects, PHP and MySQL a definite plus!



happy monday bitches!

Sunday, March 01, 2009